4 Months of Regret

Growing up I was the kid that played laser tag by finding the closest tree to the house and standing behind it hoping with fingers crossed that I would be found right away and could go stand in “jail”. Instead of reveling in the freedom of the shadows, the woods, and the dark I craved the security of a crowd, a fire, or the backyard light.

I don’t enjoy swimming in the ocean. Sure, when I was a kid I’d go to Scarborough Beach to body surf and if I’m drunk at Block Island I’ll jump right in (so I’ve been told) but I can’t get over not being able to see what is below me.

I don’t like outdoor parties where I’m straining to see by the light of a couple of tiki torches or camping where a few pieces of kindling are the only thing separating me from total darkness. I want to be where everything is illuminated.

This isn’t just about a childish fear of the dark (although it’s that too) but about the metaphor of avoiding the unknown. It’s about my needing the security blanket of friends and family and my inability to strike out on my own to find my way through unforeseen adversity. We’ve all seen enough horror movies to know that what shocks and frightens us most is what we don’t see coming, what we can’t anticipate.

I have lived most of my life hidden underneath my security blanket. I am the scared little kid sucking his thumb because I’m afraid the monsters under my bed are going to get me. I am a creature of habit because there is safety in routines. There is security in never taking a chance.

I know the way to break the cycle of misery that I’ve been in since August is to push myself, to face up to my demons, and to venture out into the darkness and see what I’m capable of. It’s time to grow up, to stop imagining the dangers hidden in every shadow, and to push myself into a brave new world to succeed or fail on my own. It’s time to stop making excuses, to stop holding back, to stop waiting for someone to hand it all to me.

________________

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about suicide. I don’t need someone to take away my shoelaces or sharp objects, but every night when I’m lying at home wondering if I’ll be able to pay my bills, every morning when I wake up wondering if it’s even worth getting out of bed, my heart starts racing, my mind swirls with worst case scenarios and I can’t help but wondering, ‘Would it just be easier if…’

Last weekend I woke up on Sunday morning, did my usual scan of Twitter, and read about Gary Speed found hanged in his house. I was shook to my core. Possibly it was the cold brutality implied in that particular method of suicide or the shocking randomness of who died, but I felt overwhelmed. I’ve been depressed my whole life (not diagnosed, but I’m not going to get many people who argue otherwise) but I haven’t felt as empty as I have in these past few months since high school. For some reason, I was suddenly afraid of myself and for myself. I kept thinking, “If he could do it…”

(I’ve tried to figure out why Gary Speed hit me so hard. I’ve watched him play and I know it seemed so out of character from the player everyone admired, but his story isn’t any more stunning or tragic than those of Robert Enke, Mike Flanagan, Derek Boogaard, or any of the non-celebrities that I’ve heard about. For whatever reason hearing about Speed pushed me into a funk and made me question myself more for the past two weeks than at any other moment in my life.)

The problem with depression is that it can hit at any moment, it’s triggered by nothing tangible, and it drops a veil around you that, even if you are conscious of it, can be very difficult to lift. There is nothing but loneliness behind that veil no matter how big the crowd surrounding you. Behind the veil lie anger, resentment, sadness, self-pity, and desperation. There are moments when I can see myself being rude, closed off, and unhappy but no matter how much I hate myself for it; I can’t prevent it. The worst part is that I have friends and family who care about me and want to help but no matter how sincere their efforts it only makes me feel more pathetic and useless. I’ve always felt that I can control it despite years worth of examples when I couldn’t. I try to play it off as just sadness about the end of my summer in Phoenix, about the lack of a job or about living at home, but I know that no matter how happy I seem, I am always on edge about when that veil will drop next and when everything that seems positive in my life will be warped by my mind into another failure.

So, I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot lately and I have cried, I have had panic attacks, I have sat and stared at my wall, and I have tried so many times to write about how I feel. I don’t want family, friends, or anyone else who reads my blog (ok so its just family and friends but just in case) to fear for me or to feel bad for me. I’m not writing all of this for pity, just to explain where I’ve been at these past few months and from how far down I’m trying to recover.

______________

I can remember that moment when I was sitting in my driveway, all my possessions stacked around me so I could barely see the mirrors, and I was looking into a future that seemed settled. I was going to move to Phoenix and everything was going to be new and bright and fantastic.

I remember feeling good about myself and I remember looking into the rearview mirror, smiling, and saying ‘I actually feel really proud.' (Then feeling weird cause I was sitting in the car talking to myself.)

Now my memories of the desert are filled with regret. Not about the relationship that I wanted to be the last of my life, not about the job offer that came the week I left, not about the sunshine and warmth (ok I regret coming back to a New England winter), but I regretted the build-up to that morning when I got in my car and drove off. I regret the parties, the good-byes, and the support I received. I regret it all because I have never before let so many people down. Driving back home was a failure, not just to myself but to all my friends and family who wished me well.

I need to redeem myself, but I don’t know how. I need to succeed not only for myself, but to prove I’m not the loser that my aborted stay in Phoenix made me.

______________

This is becoming a novel. It’s also apparently a William Faulkner novel since it will make no sense to anyone but the author. I will try to end the novel on a bright note for anyone who may have made it this far.

I appreciate everyone that has been there for me my whole life. I’ve needed every bit of it. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to express my appreciation better, especially these past few months. It’s now time to get moving. I need to get out of my head, to take some chances, and to make my own happiness instead of counting on everyone else to do it for me.

Easier said than done but it’s time to try...

Geoff Cameron talks about MLS Cup Finals

Very rarely does someone from Attleboro get the opportunity to play for a major professional championship but this Sunday night at 9 PM, former Attleboro High player Geoff Cameron and the Houston Dynamo will try to take home the MLS Cup from David Beckham and the LA Galaxy. As if that isn’t a difficult enough task the Galaxy has the benefit of playing at home in the Home Depot Center, where they lost only one game in 2011. The Dynamo will also be without the man that sparked their offense all season, MVP candidate and MLS Best XI Brad Davis, who won’t be able to play due to an injury picked up in the semi-final win over Kansas City.

It seems like there’s a lot stacked against Houston in the finals, but if you speak to Cameron about the challenge don’t expect anything but confidence, “People said that we couldn’t win without him [Davis], that we weren’t a complete team, but I think everyone stepped their game up when he went down against Kansas City. It was 0-0 when he went off and Adam (Moffat) took the set pieces and we scored on a set piece and then we scored a run of play goal. Obviously he’s a big part of our team, but at the same time we’ve got a lot of players that can step up and play the role and that’s what we can do.”

Heading into the playoffs there wasn’t a lot of chatter about the Dynamo despite the club’s history of MLS Cup titles and they continue to fly under the radar even into the title game. Of course lining up against internationals with the notoriety of Landon Donovan, Robbie Keane, and David Beckham makes it difficult to get much press but Cameron believes this could work to the Dynamo’s advantage, “they’re supposed to win so for us, we have nothing to lose. Let’s just go out there, have fun, kick butt, and leave it all on the field.”

Cameron is an Attleboro native who learned the game playing on local fields and playing pickup games at the Armory on Park St. His talent got him onto the varsity practice field while he was still in middle school, eventually leading to two years with the Bombardiers and off-seasons playing with the club team Bayside United. His skills advanced quickly and he chose to play two years at Providence Country Day before turning in an all-A10 performance while at URI. But for Cameron no matter where his career leads him it’s imperative to remember his roots and the man that kick started his love for the game, Attleboro High coach Peter Pereira.

“I’ve been very, very close to him for a long time, most of my life. He still gets up in the morning and opens up the armory and gives a place, an opportunity, for the kids to play pick-up soccer. For me there’s nothing better to see than that. He has the heart and the love of the game and he just spreads it out to give people an opportunity to play. That’s a fantastic thing that he does personally and he’s been a close friend of the family for a real long time and I can’t thank him enough for the support that he’s given me and the things that he did for me. There’s nothing better that I can do in return than to come back and help him out, showing up, and hanging out with the kids. Any way I can be a role model and any advice I can give the kids is the best thing for me.”

One of the players that has benefited from the advice that Cameron gives out on his frequent visits to Bombardier practices is junior midfielder Dominik Machado, currently part of the New England Revolution developmental squad. Machado is taking advantage of an academy system that Cameron didn’t have and the current MLS all-star makes sure to keep the potential MLS player grounded, “I told him 100 percent always remember where you came from because if you ever forget that then you’ll end up becoming nothing. I just said stay focused, stay humble, and stay hungry. If you’re hungry then you’ll accomplish a lot of things. 

Discipline, dedication, and desire, if you have those then you can accomplish anything you want in life.”

If Geoff Cameron ever forgets that mantra he need only look at the tattoo on his arm as a reminder. That discipline and desire became critical to his career when he suffered a PCL tear and missed nearly four months of the 2010 season. After a rehab stint that was nearly half as long as expected he finished the 2010 season strong. At the beginning of 2011, Dynamo Coach Dominic Kinnear moved Cameron into the midfield but two months ago decided the defense needing shoring up and since the move back to his natural position at central defender the Dynamo have caught fire. Houston will enter the MLS Cup with a 263-minute shutout streak.

Cameron’s move back to central defense for his club team has coincided with a change in management at the national team level and the calls for him to represent the US as it heads into World Cup qualifying next summer have increased considerably. This isn’t something that has gone unnoticed by the player himself, “I hear that all the time, even guys on our team who play for their national teams say ‘why don’t you play for yours’ and I simply say I don’t know man. I’m just going to wait for my opportunity and obviously my ultimate goal is to make it into the World Cup in Brazil.”

One of the best routes into the national team set-up, whether Bob Bradley or Jürgen Klinsmann is the coach, is to play regularly for a team in Europe. Prior to the injury last season there were rumors of potential European suitors and now that he is back playing at a high level those rumors should increase when the European transfer window opens again in January. While Cameron’s focus is intently on his team and this Sunday’s final there is always the individual goal to play on the biggest stage.

“In talking with my agent there are some teams interested over in Europe but like my agent said, he wants me to stay focused on the season and win a championship. Obviously one of my goals in life is to play in Europe. I had the opportunity to play for Nottingham Forest in the Championship [the 2^nd tier of British soccer] for a bit last off-season after my injury, to stay sharp, and I thought it helped me out this season playing center-mid and center back. Going into pre-season I felt really good so the experience over there was amazing and I’d 100 percent love to play over there, so that’s one of my goals but at the same time I have a guaranteed contract for next year and we’ll see after that.”

For now Geoff Cameron will put aside concerns about the national team and the call of Europe to focus on the opportunity to win the MLS Cup. All that stands in the way is the league’s best team, on their home field, with three international stars, but the Dynamo defender isn’t in awe. He’s ready to work, “Make sure whenever Beckham has the ball just pressure, pressure, and make him uncomfortable. Don’t give him time to look up and just hit a ball to a free spot because he can put a ball on a dime. The same thing with Landon and Keane, you got to be wary of those guys because they’re clever. They have experience, so you just can’t give them time on the ball and you have to make them uncomfortable. That’s one thing we do, we’re committed, we don’t stop, and we’ll keep running.”

The MLS Cup will air on ESPN Sunday night at 9 PM from the Home Depot Center in Carson, CA.

Grass is Always Greener

With the annihilation of a very poor Somerset Berkley team at McGrath Stadium, Bishop Feehan clinched another EAC title, another berth in the Division 3 playoffs, and another great chance to get to Gillette Stadium for the Super Bowl. The Shamrocks went a perfect 4-0 in the conference this season and did so by a combined score of 134-7. In fact the only touchdown that Feehan gave up against an EAC opponent this season came in the final minute against Somerset with the starters bundled up on the bench.

In some circles this would be all the proof that is needed that Feehan needs to find a new conference, there just isn’t enough of a challenge from the current set-up. Many people wanted Feehan to make a jump to the Hockomock League before it was announced that Taunton and Milford would be moving in next season. My question is: what would make Feehan want to change anything?

Sure the EAC isn’t the best competition, especially since Attleboro and Dartmouth took away the two biggest schools in the conference, but it is an almost guaranteed spot in the football playoffs, which is the big money maker for any high school. Meanwhile in other sports, under the current rules, Feehan teams will almost always find themselves with a spot in the postseason. But the lack of proper opposition is almost a myth; Martha’s Vineyard won the league in boys’ soccer this season, while Coyle and Cassidy are always strong in softball, baseball, and hockey. Oh by the way, last year Somerset beat Feehan in football. Yet it is always the assumption that no one in the EAC can stand up to Feehan. This is generally true in cross-country and girls’ soccer but not across the board.

An underrated benefit to playing in the EAC is flexibility. With only four conference opponents Feehan can continue to play a very difficult out of conference schedule. When Attleboro High switched from the five team Old Colony League to the 10 team Hockomock it left very little room for Athletic Director Mark Houle to keep longtime rivals such as Dartmouth, New Bedford, Taunton, and even Feehan on the schedule because every game was taken up by conference play. This is a problem that will only be exacerbated by the move to a 12 team conference next season.

Feehan on the other hand can schedule match-ups with LaSalle, Barrington, Fontbonne Academy, Cardinal Spellman and other teams that provide the challenges that may not be consistently there within the EAC. This may seem like a small point in the long run, but there is something to be said for a little variety. It’s nice to see teams that would otherwise never find their way to Attleboro.

Now that the Hockomock League has closed its doors to Feehan, at least for the foreseeable future, there also doesn’t appear to be an obvious landing spot for the Shamrocks. Maybe the EAC invites in the remnants of the OCL or Feehan moves to the South Coast Conference but this isn’t Boise State moving to the Big East to get a BCS berth there are issues with each option.

Unfortunately, there is also the question of whether or not Feehan would be welcomed in with open arms. There is some hesitation for schools to bring in Feehan because of their regional nature, their excellent resources or because of the long-held belief that they recruit potential players from their rivals.*

*(Disclaimer- I’m not making any claims that Feehan recruit, I honestly don’t know anything about the subject and I’m not taking a side. I’m simply saying that people believe they do, it does influence the way some people see the school, and distasteful or not it is part of the equation.)

There are a lot of factors working both for and against Feehan moving out of the EAC, but in the end the most important decision for Feehan has to be how to build on an already successful sports program and, at least to me, the best choice is to stay put and keep on winning. Now if they could just get someone decent on Thanksgiving Day…

Pandora In the Time of Melancholy

Some days listening to Pandora can be a destructive exercise. Beautiful songs of longing or emotional impact turn into excuses for self-pity and a loathing of what the world has done to you. It’s never a reminder of the mistakes you make and the situations that you either passed up or botched, it is ALWAYS the world’s fault for your current predicament.

Depression is an evil condition particularly when it is coupled with the irrational delusion that somehow you have no control over the things happening around you. Heartbreak, unemployment, empty bank accounts are horrible things to deal with (especially all at once) but lying around listening to sad music and feeling bad for yourself won’t change anything.

Unfortunately this has been my stock response to trouble for as long as I can remember. I imagine that even as a baby in my crib that instead of crying or screaming when I had crapped my diaper I instead lay in my own excrement blaming the world for my upcoming rash. Why put up a fight and try to improve things? Then I would lose the power of being a martyr. Suddenly I wouldn’t have other things to blame it on but rather have to accept that maybe I had a hand in my own downfall and then my situation would lack the proper context to draw sympathy from those around me.

Over the years I have gained the wisdom to recognize this behavior in myself, although unfortunately not the wisdom to prevent it or stop it, which requires a much higher level of enlightenment than I’ve yet mustered.

In many respects this type of apathy and cynicism made me the perfect pre-2004 Red Sox fan. I expected failure because the world would never allow me the joy of seeing my team come up victorious and in fact would force me to lose in diabolical and heart-rending situations. This perfectly suited my negative outlook and gave me one more reason to continue down my path of mediocrity. The end result was always going to be a loss no matter what so don’t try too hard.

The Red Sox found a way to turn things around and created a situation where the future was always a bright one. Personally I thought I had as well. This September ripped the optimism back out of my psyche and brought it back to 2003 levels. Strangely there is some comfort in this situation as at least I can point to specific reasons why my current outlook on things is so bleak, but after feeling good for a little while it is very difficult to consider going back to a prolonged run of feeling miserable.

Back to the Pandora. Much like the Red Sox have been, music is always tied into certain memories that create the conditions on whether or not I like a song. Nostalgia and music is covered brilliantly by Chuck Klosterman for Grantland. I try to listen to the AvettBrothers channel and each song that once was full of intrinsic heartwarming melodies is now a hand holding my head underwater until the bubbles finally stop. Dramatic I know. These were songs that helped define a new outlook on where my life was headed and without changing a single word are now painful reminders of failure.

This Red Sox season held a similar fate. The team was rolling and everyone knew this was the team to beat despite injuries, and apparently drunken binges in the clubhouse, and the fans trusted that the team would give us a collective happy ending. Then it all dropped off a cliff. Suddenly we watched with horror as an entire month of ineptitude led into the worst/best night of baseball ever.

            Now we’re left to pick up the empty beer cans and cardboard Popeye’s containers and try to remember the good times while Ray Lamontagne and A FineFrenzy urge us to shed some tears and move on.

*Just to make it clearer these were all songs that came on Pandora while I was working on this post today, all of them are particularly poignant to the past year, none of them were the songs that originally prompted me to write. Pandora is scary in its cruelty...

The Real Fans?

It's easier being a fan on days like this.

My grandfather was stationed in England, just outside London, during the Vietnam War. Unbeknownst to him this would lead, some 40 plus years later, to me being a diehard and fanatic Manchester United supporter. See, my grandfather was able to witness the historic mid-60’s triumvirate of George Best, Bobby Charlton, and Denis Law and was enthralled by the style with which they played the game. As a kid I found a packet of holographic player cards that my grandfather had collected. The long hair and ridiculous short shorts, the logo, the cool nickname, everything looked so interestingly foreign to my 10 year old self.

Little did I know that 10 years later I would start playing soccer thanks to a college girlfriend and a co-ed indoor league in Warwick that would be my Sunday (and sometimes Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday) refuge for over a decade. Once I started playing the game it was inevitable that I would be enthralled by the sport and I had to seek it out at the highest level (sorry MLS but not quite). Thanks to my grandfather’s stories and collectibles there was only one team that I could support.

No one roots for this team but we don't care.

(Now this is a far-cry from the love affair that I have developed with the team in the present day , which includes following every soccer writer I can find on Twitter, keeping the transfer blog bookmarked, and watching any game that might be on TV including the Spanish-language telecasts of the Copa America or under-20 World Cup. Incidentally, though I don’t understand a word that they’re saying I still think the announcers were much better than those on Fox Soccer. I even had my girlfriend read Fever Pitch to get a better understanding of my mentality, then told her to read Juliet Naked as well just to show that I wasn’t just a troglodyte sports fan. Not sure it worked.)

Following Manchester United, and European soccer in general, has taken its place alongside the Red Sox and Celtics and I consider my knowledge of the subjects to be well-above the common fan. (This is when we get to the actual point of the blog, by the way.)

Why do I always consider myself a “better” fan than everyone else? Why do the “pink hats”, the people singing “Sweet Caroline” (singing it karaoke-style while wasted in Vegas doesn't count), or people who don’t know where we picked up Mike Aviles bother me? Why should I care? Why does it have to be a competition? Shouldn't being a fan be about the communion of fun and common interest, not about the depth of feeling that any interest might arouse?

The other night at Good Times (which is ironically never a good time) I kept shaking my head, laughing, and/or getting actually upset at the ill-informed comments of the drunks at the bar. I don’t know why the random Tigers fan who seemed to know nothing about the Tigers other than that they don’t serve Bud at Tigers Stadium (he was old but I assumed he was talking about Comerica Park not flashing back to the ’84 World Series) upset me. I can’t get upset because he works all day and doesn’t spend every waking hour studying the ticker on ESPN.com or watching Baseball Tonight.

There isn’t a single person in Manchester (England not New Hampshire) who would think that I was anything but a carpet-bagging Yankee pink hat for Man U just because I live in the US. I wasn’t brought up with stories of Busby’s Babes and I didn’t get to see the ’99 Champions League win as it was happening so I don’t count as a “real” Manc. That’s basic English elitism about US soccer fans but aren’t I (and a lot of Red Sox writers too, I’m looking at you Pete Abraham and Bob Ryan) being just as elitist about people who aren’t fanatics about the teams we hold dear?

Here's to you John  Lackey!

While I’m slamming my fist down, having my night ruined, and getting pissed every time that John Lackey pitches most fans are going to be grabbing a beer and talking with the people near them about how great it is to be out watching the game. It’s time to grow up and stop giving a shit about how little most people know about the Red Sox or baseball history. It’s time to embrace the “pink hats” as all part of the game, just as it’s time to stop holding a grudge because people are ignorant. Fine, you might not be the same type of fan as me (you probably have a lot more fun being a fan) but if you have any questions feel free to ask.

In the end, I’m the one with the answers and the issues.

Heartbreak

I wish people would stop saying, “Everything happens for a reason. It’s for the best.” It’s categorically not for the best. Eventually time will ease the pain, the failure, but nothing will change the fact that I didn’t want this. I couldn’t imagine this happening. I’m embarrassed, ashamed, devastated…

You know when you’re driving to school or to work or to any place that you’ve been a million times and suddenly out of nowhere you realize that you’ve arrived but can’t remember the drive at all? We’ve all done it. The body goes into autopilot, muscle memory pushing you forward down a very familiar path. The same happened on my trip back to the East Coast.

It was five days of staring straight ahead, the road endlessly stretched out in between markers that seemed more real on a map than when driving through them. Gallup, Amarillo, Oklahoma City, Indianapolis then….home. It was five days of heartbreak, painful acceptance of blame, and regret.

Some people say they have no regrets. I am not one of those people. I have plenty of them but never has something left me this empty because I regret not MY unhappiness but that of the person who I loved. When you do something supremely stupid you feel bad because it hurts your family but their love is eternal and not only will they forgive you but they will try to support you. A relationship (she would want me to call it a domestic partnership) even one filled with love, is far more fragile than that.

My friends like to joke about how I think everything sucks, that I am always miserable, and I can’t have a good time. I wish there was no truth to the gag. Until I know how to make myself happy how can someone possibly be happy with me? I don’t have any answers and right now under a cloud of depression I’m having a hard time focusing on the future, just the sadness.

All of this depressing, desperate whining is the explanation for why this Adele song, which I heard probably 3092 times on the way home, is so powerful to me and came out at exactly the wrong time. Listening to any emotional song during a break-up is a bad idea, but this is striking because rather than an image of clothes strewn about on the ground outside, broken picture frames, and lots of heavy drinking, this song inspires just a deep longing for a return to the status quo. It is rationale anger and true sadness, not of HOW it ended but rather that it ended at all. Anyway, make fun of me if you like but each time this came on the radio the waterworks were soon to follow…

Thompson Chemical

Happy looking crew

The documentary that I helped produce has recently won another award. "Thompson Chemical" was awarded 1st Place in the documentary category of the Alliance for Community Media's National Hometown Movie Awards. This is a great honor for all who worked on the project, most notably the lead producer Roger Mulcahy. It was a lot of hard work particularly since it was a project that had to be completed concurrently with the day-to-day responsibilities of working at DoubleACS.

I wrote a piece for the playbill that was handed out at the premiere of "Thompson" and it explains the origins of the project and what it meant to those of us who worked on it:

The Making of “Thompson Chemical”

We initially received 2 16mm film reels from the Fire Department with the intention of trying to convert them into a DVD for Chief Churchill. When we first saw some of the footage it was shocking as much because we had never heard of Thompson Chemical as for the actual scenes we were seeing. It seemed strange that such a tragic and important event could have passed one or two generations, albeit over 40 years, without it ever being mentioned.

Documentaries had been a topic of discussion around the studio for several years and we had been searching for a topic that would pique our interest while at the same time providing a benefit to the community as a whole. The idea was floated that this footage could provide the jumping off point for a worthwhile project. It would be fair to say we never anticipated the scope of what this project would become.

With permission from Chief Churchill to use the footage and from The Sun Chronicle to scour their archives from 1963-4 we started to develop a story of what happened at Thompson Chemical that night and in the months that followed. We then began the search for interview subjects and just as quickly realized that the story we thought we were creating was nothing like the reality for the people who lived through it.

A project that we hoped would take a few months stretched out over a year involving 15 taped interviews and countless more discussions with neighbors, workers, firefighters, police officers, historians, and family members that all had different perspectives on that horrible night.

The story of Thompson Chemical is not a single strand that runs in a simple, straight line from beginning to end because the story of Thompson Chemical is not about an event, but rather it’s about people and their individual reactions to tragedy. The one common factor throughout the story is a generation of people in Attleboro, raised through a world war, awakening from a great depression into a suddenly promising future that showed a remarkable ability to cope. That stoicism, that ability to manage a difficult situation, while still having the remarkable clarity of memory that all who we interviewed had, turned out to be far more dramatic than the event on its own.

Hopefully, after a year’s worth of work we have been able to properly document a slice of the history of Attleboro to ensure future generations remember Thompson Chemical but also, and perhaps more importantly, remember the people whose lives were affected by it.